There are three events that took place in the last couple of weeks that made me to think aloud and express my individual thinking on these events in this column. The events are - the release of the Hindi movie 'Girlfriend' starring Amrita Arora, Isha Koppikar, and Aashish Chowdhary (that narrates a love story between a so-called 'straight' girl and a lesbian girl) directed by Karan Razdan, the much talked about marriage of a man and (a man later converted to) an eunuch in Tamilnadu, and an episode in the popular Tamil Serial 'Metti Oli' wherein a lady who deserts her husband and elopes with her pre-marriage lover later returns to her husband. I took these three issues as they provoked my thoughts and also there is a common denominator amongst all of them which is a private affair i.e. 'Sex' where the society has no rightful role to play.. 

The movie 'Girlfriend' revolves around characters that we meet in true life too. As one of the heroines of that movie Amrita said, 'homosexuals and lesbians are not from another planet or era'. They may be better qualified than us in education and in other talents. They may also be courteous and decent in their behaviour with high values in life. They may also lead a life with a higher living standard. Homosexuals and lesbians are human beings who live amongst us. It could be because of the true bonding between two people, their genetic features, some hormone secretions and aberration in the brain nerves that drive their sexual preference the way they do. It could even be due to some kind of an abuse in their childhood or sexual exploitation or wooing in their childhood that made them this way. In any case, they have the right to have their own sexual preference and should be treated with dignity and grace. Homosexuality is nothing to be ashamed of. 

The more and more we as a society suppress such things or tried to hide things, the more things are swept under the carpet and the as Amrita says 'heavier society will come down on them'. Already criticisms were thrown up from many quarters for narrating such a bold issue in a mass media like movies. It is disgusting. A civilization or society evolves. It does not operate within set boundaries. None has the right to put constraints on such evolution. Conformity is antagonistic to evolution. If we agree that sex is something private and individualistic, why look down on those who do not conform to set norms. The only thing that a society has to be cautious about is that this kind of non-conformity should not affect the subjects of a society in any way. As long as it is confined to and between those involved, it should not be a point of criticism. 

The second event that was referred above is the much-debated (on the legal status of) marriage between a man and an eunuch (who was a man to start with). Who bothers about its legal status. In a society where the one man-one wife concept is deep-rooted and which defines the fabric of our culture, we do not strictly come down on the many aberrations to this fundamental fabric of our culture. We see lots of adultery with regard to married life. However, we jump upon passing remarks on the legal status of a marriage between a man and an eunuch. If they 'can not' practice the sex with the grammar of a heterosexual act, it does not mean that this is not a 'venerable union' of two minds and hearts. If the grammar of heterosexuality and heterosexual act is the one which defines the concept of marriage, then this is a not a marriage. If it is the 'compatibility', 'companionship', and 'union' of two hearts and minds that define a marriage, in all sense as long as the above marriage is driven by love for each other, it does not need the legal status. 

Coming to the third issue - in an episode in a Tamil TV serial, a lady who could not compromise and get-on with the forceful marriage arranged by her father boldly leaves her husband (with his full knowledge and also with his consent) and started to lead a life with her former lover. Things turn out in such a way that due to societal ill-feelings towards her and also the ill-treatment meted out to her by her lover and his parents, she decides to leave his lover too and live alone. However, she is rejected and repelled by her friend and parents that she becomes almost helpless. When the story writer and the director of the serial narrates this story by projecting the husband as a non-conformist (who allowed her to go with her lover and now who tries to help this woman-his former wife), he also gets into trouble from the legal system and also from his family. It is very much the same situation for such persons in real life too. Invariably, the comments from those who watch this serial in the drawing rooms of the house and also the comments of some magazines is very critical. They criticize that this kind of narration distorts our society and justifies things which should either be ridiculed or condemned. It is agreed that this woman character is not steady in her decisions and probably took wrong steps in her family life but that does not mean she should be thrown out of the society and punished. Even when her (former) husband tried to help her and make her to stand on her own (as she is educated), the characters in that serial who represent her society and also the society in our real life object to this narration. 'Hats off' to the Director Mr. Thiru Murugan and 'shame shame' to the 'conservative thinkers' and 'retrograde thinkers' of this 21st century. 

The intention of this article is not to promote such events- call it aberrations or call it non-conformist actions. The intention is to impress upon the evolved readers of 'Nilacharal' that sex is something private and an individual has the right to practice the way he or she wants to. And an entitlement of the freedom to do so is the fundamental character of a free society. Only such societies evolve in their attitude towards fellow human-beings and think aloud on issues fueled by narrow and partisan things such as religion, money, arrogance, and power. These views are not at all made with any apologetic feeling or sympathy towards those minority who do not conform to set norms. These are the bold and uncorrupted individual views. A right and self-thinking, matured and an evolved, educated, and an individualistic reader would agree that we should not judge a person based on his private sexual life and sexual acts of him or her that fall in his or her personal domain.